Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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