Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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