And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
