So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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