sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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