We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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