I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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