Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
