so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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