Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
