My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
