Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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