A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
