In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
