I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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