i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
