dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
