Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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