I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
