i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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