We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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