I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
