We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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