So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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