is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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