We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
