I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Im just a social blackout drinker.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
