I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
