need another drink. this is the easiest way
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
