it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
