i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
