it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
