My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
