Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
