I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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