weddingsv make me drug and hornr
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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