Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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