My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my liver is dry heaving
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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