Kiss
Puke
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
how does that bad decision feel?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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