if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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