redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
