So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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