oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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