Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dicks are not precious.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
