i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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