my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
