I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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