He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
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You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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