Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize