if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.