So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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