He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The air was thick with penises
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT