how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
