Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.