speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.