Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.

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  (812): Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support. http://tfl.nu/gdfj
  Replies (1) Good night (1848) Bad night (870)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (937) Bad night (2259)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore

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  (617): i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore http://tfl.nu/4xlx
  Replies (21) Good night (1530) Bad night (4650)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

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  (765): my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes. http://tfl.nu/hrf7
  Replies (8) Good night (4439) Bad night (671)
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  (949): View more from California

  so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.

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  (949): so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home. http://tfl.nu/81x1
  Replies (37) Good night (5469) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....

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  (973): There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though.... http://tfl.nu/r2dr
  Replies (25) Good night (2892) Bad night (1806)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

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  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (1477)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne

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  (904): Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne http://tfl.nu/4m6j
  Replies (5) Good night (1348) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.

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  (269): I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now. http://tfl.nu/er1x
  Replies (7) Good night (1333) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"

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  (425): Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?" http://tfl.nu/b210
  Replies (5) Good night (1245) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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  (814): Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck. (215): Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate. http://tfl.nu/mf4n
  Replies (5) Good night (1502) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?

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  (760): Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting? http://tfl.nu/x0ek
  Replies (8) Good night (1344) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.

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  (401): I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things. http://tfl.nu/cr6r
  Replies (4) Good night (1621) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.

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  (214): We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla. http://tfl.nu/hnzh
  Replies (1) Good night (917) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.

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  (509): You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises. http://tfl.nu/yksg
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (256)

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