Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.