We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
