Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
