i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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