wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
