when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
