Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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