I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
