So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
