I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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