you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
