i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
