Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
