you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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