is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up under a house in Key West
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
