I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
