Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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