How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
