Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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