This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hope mine doesn't look like that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
