ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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