I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
